Have you ever felt that – without regret – you have chosen and are on the wrong path, and though you wish to be free of it, abandoning this road will cause much more chaos and hurt than staying on it?
Currently I am having a moment in life where I absolutely know that I am on the wrong path. And this is not for the first time, I have felt like this for almost 3 years now. It was the first winter holidays of my junior year that I realized that this field of study isn’t for me. I might have taken someone else place who probably would have done a better job than I am doing right now.
I mean let’s be honest, I have a life that’s better than almost 80% of the teenagers of my age. I am in an institute which most of the people can’t afford. I have a healthy circle of friends, a girl I love right across the table, but still it feels like something vital is missing.
Not a single day goes by without the thought of letting this all go but the thought of starting it all again that’s something that haunts me. I am in senior year now, hopefully a graduate next year, with no sense of direction.
What’s worse not knowing what you want? Or knowing what you don’t want and still doing it? I am truly unsatisfied with my life and now I know my soul is dying in the process.
So – in order to answer the question: yes, I am walking a path that isn’t mine. Should I be? I guess I don’t know the answer to that right now.
Have I found my right path? I am not sure of that either. The only thing I am sure of is that this path isn’t mine. And I am on it because the alternative scares me, because I think when I step out there are demons waiting to pounce on me. And for now I am not ready to face them.