Escape

21 weeks or somewhat 4 months ago, I talked about escape, escape through people, conversation, book or hobby.
But in reality it was a different experience, I found my escape in solitude.
The things and reasons that put me there made me question every conversation, interaction and relationship I’ve had so far. And it was painful, to say the least.
I felt so guilty admitting that I was sad, that I was hurting. I don’t know why. It was pretty ironic, in any case. That’s why I didn’t talk about it much. I couldn’t bear to see the expression of disdain on someone else’s face. I couldn’t bear the judgement
It all meant so much to me, and at that very moment it meant nothing. Probably it was god’s plan, or maybe I needed someone to put the burden on. Nothing was right and I had no idea what to do anymore. It felt like I’ve lost control of my life.
I’m no Socrates, Aristotle or Dale Lama, to have it all figured out. And not someone who forgives people who wrong them. But I am hopelessly in love with memories. Flashes from another time, another place.
So many people own a piece of me, be it habit, memory or soul. But one thing I’ve learned is that you don’t have to understand things for them to be.
But what’s next? Bonded to escape?
For me it was reconciliation, acknowledging what I got, be it good or bad. I know it gets difficult, but tell me, does anything worth keeping come easy? It never does, never will. So I decided to pay my regards.
Goodbyes are hard, it’ like dying a little.
But sometimes, that’s the only way.

Let’s be lovers without love

Let’s watch a movie and argue over which movie we should watch. I’m sure we’ll end up watching both movies, and that will sum up our day together.

Let’s have our morning coffee together. We’ll have a little talk about that nightmare you had last night. I’ll take a sip of my coffee while listening to the story of your nightmare and I’ll tell you that it will be alright. It’s scary but thank god you’re here, you’ll say.

Let’s spend our lazy afternoon together. Maybe i’ll perform and item number or maybe you will play your favorite sport knowing that i am sitting right across the court, writing poems for you.

Let’s play games, be it a racing game or even a game of truth & dare and the loser shall treat the winner to a fancy dinner.

Let’s go on a midnight road trip with no definite destination when most souls are fast asleep. You’ll blast the car speakers with your favorite jams and I will sing out loud, along to the songs with you.

Let’s go camping and I’ll cook for us during the camp because if you were to cook, I’m afraid we’ll be eating nothing but charcoal. Then we’ll watch as the sun sets, and stay up the whole night just to watch the sunrise.

Let’s stay up and talk to each other until 5 in the morning and maybe you’ll tell me why were you mad at your friends for days or why were you afraid to love another soul. I’ll listen, I’ll try my best to stay awake and listen to what you have to say.

Let’s go to the mall. We will enter whichever shop you want and if you happen to like a certain thing from a certain shop, I will buy it for you.

Let’s have a hike on the hill without saying anything to each other. You’ll most probably drag me to the top just so you can tell me how easy it was, and you could do it over and over again.

Let’s act like we came from the same family, like we are hopeless romantics, like we are nothing but the best of friends, like we are one.

Let’s laugh until we cry. Let’s cry until we laugh. Let’s get mad together. Let’s be sad or happy together. Let’s fool around together. Let’s play and tease each other. Let’s do whatever we want, whatever we can.

Let’s do everything together without falling for each other.

Let’s be lovers without love because love is a greed that can’t be filled.